My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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