He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
