his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize