You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How does one acquire holy water?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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