I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
