im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
