Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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