That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
