Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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