Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
