Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
did i walk over a car last night?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
