there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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