why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
