You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
