so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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