You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
