I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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