i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
