She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
