she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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