I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So apparently I’m into choking now
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
