You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
