Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
