My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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