yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
