When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
