Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
do herpes really smell.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
