I got chris browned last night
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
