I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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