Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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