The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i think i have herpe
just one?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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