First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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