do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
