Do vagina's smell?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Congratulations! We have a period
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