So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
