i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
