What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize