I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
don't judge my taste in strippers
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
