I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
