I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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