I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
