Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
