a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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