it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
