woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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