you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
A+ Viking dick
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
