omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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