I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
