Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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