I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
