Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
