i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
