So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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