btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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