Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
