Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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