the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
