If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
