why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
