Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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