Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
