I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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