Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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