..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
