And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
