it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
