Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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