Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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