Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
