I'm going to jail i love you
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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