It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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