She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
