so that wasnt chicken after all
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
